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Cracking the (Time) Code

31 May 2013


I’ve finally figured out the secret to time travel. If you promise to keep this between us, I’ll tell you. It’s fast, it’s safe, and it’s cheap (by time-travel standards).

Here’s what you do: first, go to a large city — the larger the better. Then, go to that city’s international airport. Buy a ticket that takes you across any of our many fine oceans. Get on the plane and take a Xanax (or the tranquilizer of your choice). When you wake up, you’ll either be in the future or the past, depending on where you started.

Here’s the best part — say you start in Texas (which is in America!). Say you fly east and end up in Europe (which is in Europe!). Using modern technology like Skype or Google Voice, you can now call your friends, who are stuck in the past, and taunt them from eight hours in the future. You can tell them about all the aliens and rocket cars you see, and even send them images of What Is Yet To Come. It’ll be like that one Nicholas Cage movie, only not shitty. (No, not that one. The OTHER one.)

So, what I’m really saying here is that I’ll be in Europe (te h Futar!) for the next couple of weeks. When I’m out of town, I usually have no idea what blogging schedules will look like. You might get nothing… or I might taunt you with pictures of What Will Happen In The Future.

Either way, if you don’t hear from me in a while, I haven’t died or anything. I’m just out of sync with your normal human flow of time.

Have a great weekend, all!

2 Comments leave one →
  1. 1 June 2013 2041

    It’s too bad we’ve already recorded an episode of the podcast about the future…since you’ll be in the future, seeing the sun each day, long before us in the past. Perhaps this is why Europe is deemed so hip. One must take care not to travel too far into the future. Future Australia, I hear, is full of venomous creatures, just like a bad science fiction movie. I think it rains box jellyfish in Melbourne…but I might be wrong…

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