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Apocalypse Skillz

27 May 2011

With the Rapture all sorts of not happening last week (but don’t worry, it’s supposed to happen in October now), I got to thinking about the various Apocalypses pop culture has prepared us for. Films and books dealing with the end of the world are some of my favorite, except 2012, which was… not great.

But how well, in your current state, would you survive the Apocalypse? There’s no one answer, but it depends on the type.

For the Zombie Apocalypse (which could never happen), you’d need to be in good shape, be an excellent shot with a handgun and a rifle, be an excellent driver, and have no qualms about stealing things like cars and stuff early on.

For the post-nuclear wasteland (think Mad Max), you’d want to be smart. An engineer. Someone who could make technology work without electricity and gasoline, or find alternate sources of power. Don’t worry too much about being in shape or a good shot — if you’re wicked smart and survive the initial blast, the people who are in shape will take good care of you. You’re too valuable to lose. Now’s the time for that extra pie.

In the Mayan Earthquake-y, Flood-y Apocalypse… well, surviving the initial bit will be more on luck or location. After that, you’d better know how to farm and hunt. Those survivalist nutbags? They’re in good shape here.

Now, the Biblical Apocalypse is a head-scratcher. The church folks will say you need to repent your sins and turn your life over to God, but that’s no fun. I suggest… I dunno… something with an armored bulldozer. That should work.

What about you, folks? What’s your preferred End of the World, and what’s your survival plan?

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Sir Geek permalink
    27 May 2011 1121

    My wife and I can farm and I can do the “engineer” stuff so we should be covered 🙂

    And I don’t have qualms about stealing a car from someone I either killed in self defense or I had no choice (Steal Car vs. Die)

    • 27 May 2011 1145

      I’m planning to steal an M-ATV and a helicopter. Because, you know. Helicopter.

  2. 27 May 2011 1906

    I’m all up on the driver and weaponry side so I’ve got Zombie A covered 😉

  3. Nate permalink
    1 June 2011 0808

    What about the Douche Apocalypse? Because, mostly thanks to Jersey Shore and pretty much every other MTV project of the past 15 years, that’s very real.

    • 1 June 2011 1014

      Same strategy as Zombie Apocalypse. Aim for the head.

    • 1 June 2011 1652

      I thought we already had that one. And they one. Can’t swing an asshole without hitting a Douche around here 😉

      • 1 June 2011 1652

        WON, I meant. DAMN YOU SPELL CHECK!!!

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