Yeah. I’ve blogged a half-thousand times since late 2011 when I started this thing. I’m not sure, but I might need hobbies.
I skipped writing this blog on Friday because I didn’t know what to do. I felt I should mark the occasion somehow, do some sort of meaningful post about what I’ve learned, how I’ve changed, and how blogging for 500 entries has affected my life.
Then I realized that I’m not really about any of that, and decided to look through my site stats and see how people were finding me on the Internet. Enjoy!
This is the top search term, and I suppose that’s a good thing. Of course, I might talk about my books once a month… but it’s nice to know people are still looking.
see you in the car milhouse
I get a lot of hits off this one. A lot. It comes from a Simpsons episode, as so many of my thoughts do… and I’m sure the entry I did about Armed Forces yearbooks disappoints 90% of the people who land on my page after searching this.
“name a state without the letter e”
I thought it was bad enough that this thing popped up on Facebook, but if you have to Google for the answer, please return your brain to the OEM. I fear you may have gotten a defective one.
far from the evil toenails of doom
That more than one person has found my blog using this search term makes me irrationally happy. If you don’t know, it’s from the comic-within-a-comic Happy Noodle Boy, from the late 90s comic book Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, which still remains one of my favorite indie comics to this day.
dealing with engineers/dealing with my engineer
I know where this one comes from — a quote from Office Space I once used as a title — but I can’t help but think of the poor people who searched this one and got no help. For them, I suggest… I don’t know. Snacks? Snacks are always good, and engineers that I’ve known appreciate them muchly. That’s all I’ve got for you, guy.
quantum morgan freeman
Morgan Freeman is cool enough on his own. Quantum Morgan Freeman will one day rule us all.
I wonder if these people were looking for a frightening thought because they don’t have any of their own. And that, in and of itself, is a frightening thought.
william tell movie
I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how this search term brought a person to my blog. I generally know what post a person will end up on just from their search, and this one leaves me baffled. It’s not even odd, I just have no clue how the Internet routed this person to me of all places.
You want Google Shopping, my friend. And you also want a stronger sense of shame.
conversation between two crackheads
I will not have you speak that way about the authors and filmmakers I’ve interviewed. Good day, sir.
time travel attempts photos
To whoever landed on my blog searching for this — Dude, I want to see those too.
what pandemics could actually happen?
Another one where the searcher, after landing on my page, no doubt left disappointed. I dunno, guy. Out-of-control flu strain? That’s what I’d put my money on.
ray liotta limping
Probably an image search, though I can’t imagine a use case for that particular image. But, you know, we do like Ray Liotta.
Search for “spelling crimes” next, pal.
my brain is full of bees
That’s… that’s not good, man. Um… maybe seek a psychiatrist?
voices echo in head
Hey, bee guy! Take this guy with you. He needs a shrink, too.
i’m not doing shit today
YEAH! Though I don’t know why you needed to inform Google of that fact.
go for hard burn “go for hard burn”
Someone needs to let this guy know he didn’t need to put the quotes then the same quote in quotes to get the answer he wanted. One or the other would have sufficed. Although, he did end up here…
gusher no binds me
No, no, no, no! Bad searcher! Bad! The movie is called Hellevator: The Bottled Fools — the original Japanese is gusha no bindume (which means “the bottled fools”). “Gusher no binds me” is just an ignorant attempt to title the film by someone with almost no measurable brain activity.
5 good words in 47 echo
I checked. There are four. Sorry, dude.
starter jackets made a comeback
NO THEY DIDN’T YOU JACKASS. STOP WEARING THEM. YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM.
You, sir! I shall buy you a fine ale of your choice.
See? Much more fun than me getting all introspective and shit. But I do have to take a moment and thank each of you who does take some time out of your day to read what I write. You people make getting up in the morning and hammering away at an iPhone touchpad worth it, and I love the hell out of each one of you for it.
Now, for my next 500 entries… I don’t know. Maybe something about interpretive dance?