I’d make a crappy superhero.

It’s tough to face certain realizations in your life. At 26, you realize you’re too old to be on the Real World (thankfully, you probably don’t care by that point). At 30, you realize it’s too late to start a hardcore punk band. And at 32, I realized I’d never be a masked vigilante like Batman.

Yeah, that one came kind of late.

But let’s look at the facts — my superpowers are kind of lame:

• Better-than-average grammar and spelling
• Resistance to caffeine
• Ability to stay awake for long periods of time
• Looks good in sunglasses

I don’t even know how you’d go about putting together a costume for that. Except, of course, for the sunglasses.

So what are your superpowers, folks? I’m sure they’re better than mine. What will you call yourselves as you fight crime?