Our Government’s Weirdest Secret
So, I just got back from Area 51.
Yeah, just throwing that out there like it ain’t no thing. But it was a thing, and it was rather a cool thing. Now, I didn’t actually go on the installation — you can tell by the fact that I’m still alive — but I did get pretty close. I was easily within five miles. And, trust me, that’s close enough. Just ask the guy in the white Jeep Cherokee who chased us off.
Oh, don’t worry. I’ll tell the story.
Part One: Las Vegas to Rachel
My intrepid buddy Jeremy (that’s him looking apathetic near the Las Vegas sign in the picture at the top of the post) and I decided months ago to attempt Area 51 on this year’s Las Vegas trip. Usually, we don’t rent a vehicle when we go to Vegas, but we decided to rent one for our last 24 hours this time. Originally, it was because we wanted to go to Firefly for dinner, which had moved away from Fremont Street.
“Hey,” I said. “While we’ve got the car anyway, want to drive out to Area 51 that night and see what we can see?”
“Mmmyep,” he said.
Jeremy is a man of few words.
So, at about 6:00 Monday night, we got on the road to Rachel, NV, the nearest town to Area 51. Soon after we got off the interstate and onto the highway, buildings, people, and other cars ceased to exist. We were blazing through the desert at 75 miles an hour as the sun set, but we wouldn’t be able to maintain that speed for long.
There weren’t buildings, people, or cars, but man were there cows. And man did they like to wander out into the road. As the rental car company had seen fit to give two grown men a Chevy Aveo, I set the cruise control at a more reasonable 50 miles an hour and kept my head on an ultra-paranoid swivel for bovine speed bumps.
By about 8:50, we pulled off of Nevada Highway 375 (officially named “The Extraterrestrial Highway”) into Rachel, NV. It wasn’t much of a town, but it didn’t need to be… because it had a building containing all of the strangeness one could ever ask for.
It was a tiny building called the Lil A’le’inn, and that’s where I’ll pick up the story tomorrow.